We Were Girls Together
As I write this, Ella is next to me, snoring softly on the floor. I always joked she would be one of those old, bald, mangy-looking dogs who seems to live forever. You know the ones. Well, it took one ultrasound to prove me wrong.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve tried to swallow it down and ignore the vet’s “6 months to a year” prediction. At times, Ella’s made this easy, seeming so herself in so many ways, whether she’s hovering at our feet during dinner, finding the single Cheerio lost in the girls’ toy box or barking violently at every Amazon delivery.
But the sickness is there, looming, as seen in her half-full breakfast bowl, slow greetings when we come home and closer-than-usual snuggles when she finally joins us in bed.
Last week, the tears I’d been holding in couldn’t be blinked back any longer. I was driving to her grooming appointment when I felt the lump forming in my throat, the sting behind my eyes. I’d done this simple task of dog ownership so many times before - how many more everyday moments like this do we have left?
By the time I parked, I was a mess. As I told our groomer the news through wet, snotty tears, this person who I’ve spoken to every couple of months for the past 7 years wrapped me in her arms and cried with me. She told me how she’d just gone through the same thing with her lab and how it sucks – it just sucks because we love them so much. And even though we always know that one day there will be a goodbye, we’ll never be ready for it. Whether it’s 10 years or 20, the end always comes too soon.
All I keep thinking is how Ella and I have had a dozen years so far, which means she’s been with me for a third of my life, and I for all of hers. In many ways, we’ve grown up together. It feels like one day I was 23, bringing her home to my very first grown-up apartment - then boom, I was 30, dangling new baby feet in front of her nose to sniff and meet.
While I don’t know what’s next – or when – I know this: Ella and I have had a lot of life in these years. One constant has always been each other, and as she takes her last lap around the park – all the way to goodbye – we’re going to keep it that way.
